To Explain
by trinity-matrix-13
Summary: ...'I had never cried on the stand before.' How Detective Alexandra Eames felt about the events of the trial in 'The Wee Small Hours Parts I&II.' Eames' POV.


**Disclaimer:** Law and Order: Criminal Intent and it's characters do not belong to me, I'm just borrowing them.

Also, in reference to this story in particular all the dialogue has been taken directly from the episode "In the Wee Small Hours: Parts I & II". The thoughts of Detective Eames however, are entirely my own.

**To Explain**

I was twenty minutes into my testimony when the defense dropped their bomb. I had just finished explaining to the defense attorney the sheer enormity of how much I trusted my partner's judgment. I thought I had done well, made my case to the jury…I certainly sounded passionate enough. To my speech the defense simply replied, "is that so?". Well of course it was 'so', I just damn well told you it was. "Do you recognize this?" The attorney passed me a typed document, laminated as per court policy. I needed only to glance at the first line to know what I held in my hands. Oh God…how did they find this? How dare they find this? The defense pressed, "well, do you?" I nodded. "It was a letter I sent to my superiors five years ago...requesting…a new partner. But I withdrew my complaint." I added hastily.

"Please read the highlighted passage." I looked into the gallery and spotted Bobby seated near the front. His eyes were wide and he was shifting in his seat. He looked confused. He shifted his gaze to the floor and I knew he was hurt. Bobby I want to explain! Please, you have to understand! Oh God. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek.

"Read the highlighted passage Detective." The attorney's words were sharp. I took a deep breath and looked down at the paper in front of me. I only pretended to read it, even after five years I remembered what the letter said - I'd read it over so many times. "Detective Goren's erratic and anti-social behaviour…his…" I almost choked on the word "…volatile and bizarre interrogation techniques lead me to have serious doubts about his…" The tears were travelling my face freely now. It was the first time I'd ever cried on the stand. "…judgment and mental stability." Those last words just tumbled out. "Please, I want to explain!"

"Thank you Detective." And the defense attorney sat down. Bastard! I want to explain! I didn't understand. I was too enveloped in my own world of standard procedure and by-the-book interrogations to see, him, to see Bobby for what he is… Brilliant.

The voice of ADA Ron Carver interrupted my thoughts. "Please explain Detective…why you withdrew your complaint." I breathed deeply. Thank you.

"I was used to working with more conventional detectives." By conventional… I mean boring. "Detective Goren's style is definitely unique…" He jumps on tables for Christ's sake! "…and an acquired taste. Over time I came to see that his approach was based on a deep understand of human behaviour. I came to appreciate him as an ethical person and an effective police officer." I stressed the word effective. Honestly, I have yet to meet a detective with more confessions under his belt than Bobby Goren.

Carver thanked me and with one last look at Bobby I clambered down off the stand.

The court recessed and I hurried into the hall. Carver found me leaning against a wall in the back end of the building. "We mitigated the damages…you did fine." And he left. I scoffed. Sure, mitigated the damages in court perhaps, but what have I done to Bobby? He's such a sensitive person…it took years for him to finally open up to me…and now…

I looked up and there he was. Bobby Goren standing right in front of me. "I'm sorry Bobby, I should have told you…" I trailed off. I didn't know what to say. Words weren't enough. They never were.

Bobby shook his head ever so slightly. I couldn't tell if he was dismissing my apology or dismissing me. He has this way about him that always makes me feel inferior. He certainly doesn't _act_ better than me but, sometimes, I just can't help feeling that he is.

"I am an acquired taste." What? Oh, yeah. That. I just looked at him. What was I to say? He turned to leave. No, please don't go…

"I'm lucky you withdrew your letter." He walked away. Just like that…

The greatest man I've ever known.


End file.
